Remember those times when you feel just crap, and then suddenly remember some silly and plain stupid thing you have done in your life? This might be too personal. But then, since no one know's who I really am, and is probably reading this like Jones' diary, it does not really mean anything, does it?
I've lied to my teachers. Once. I mean, not a small lie like 'I didn't have that paper because I was so upset with my boyfriend'. Since that could really be true. And as they have seen, I get upset not that easily, as far as they know, so they have no reason to believe I'm lying. Never trust me in the boyfriend stuff, teachers!
I've lied to my friends. This sound stupid, but at that time I believed I had to make myself more interesting for them. Now I think, if they don't see who I really am inside and I have to make up something for them, then they are not worth it. If they say to me I'm beautiful only with make-up or they are ashamed to be with me when I have somekind of clothes on me which do not suit their needs, then it's too bad. 'Nice meeting you, now get out of my life'-style.
I have fallen for my every single one best friend. And since they all have been boys, it's supposed to be normal. What is not normal, that we have broken off before I have been able to confess my undying love for them. Which is good, because it's so horrible. So, I have fallen for every single one. Which leads me to my point: now, my lovely best friend.. A guy. guess how my thought continues? exactly.
I adore my best friend too much. And that he live's on the other side of the lake and has a girlfriend does not really do any better for me. I'm his buddie, one of the guys.
I think.. I think I should not tell about my horrific parties we have been on. Finding him in a closet with a girl and the having to talk with him how good she was is not nice. Not at all.
-E
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