Silly girl. Again

Silly, silly girl. There's not much more to say. The one word "Silly" describes it more than I would want. I've messed up. Again. Such a huge suprice, since I'm writing in here.

Remember those times when you feel just crap, and then suddenly remember some silly and plain stupid thing you have done in your life? This might be too personal. But then, since no one know's who I really am, and is probably reading this like Jones' diary, it does not really mean anything, does it?

I've lied to my teachers. Once. I mean, not a small lie like 'I didn't have that paper because I was so upset with my boyfriend'. Since that could really be true. And as they have seen, I get upset not that easily, as far as they know, so they have no reason to believe I'm lying. Never trust me in the boyfriend stuff, teachers!

I've lied to my friends. This sound stupid, but at that time I believed I had to make myself more interesting for them. Now I think, if they don't see who I really am inside and I have to make up something for them, then they are not worth it. If they say to me I'm beautiful only with make-up or they are ashamed to be with me when I have somekind of clothes on me which do not suit their needs, then it's too bad. 'Nice meeting you, now get out of my life'-style.

I have fallen for my every single one best friend. And since they all have been boys, it's supposed to be normal. What is not normal, that we have broken off before I have been able to confess my undying love for them. Which is good, because it's so horrible. So, I have fallen for every single one. Which leads me to my point: now, my lovely best friend.. A guy. guess how my thought continues? exactly.

I adore my best friend too much. And that he live's on the other side of the lake and has a girlfriend does not really do any better for me. I'm his buddie, one of the guys.

I think.. I think I should not tell about my horrific parties we have been on. Finding him in a closet with a girl and the having to talk with him how good she was is not nice. Not at all.

-E

Spain

My friend called me the other day and told me she had (for the first time of her life, I may assume) crushed madly in likening with a Spanish boy. The first words I told her? "Welcome to hell, my friend. But I'm still very happy about it."

She, herself, said that it probably would not last. That probably he would find a better one or she would not share the same feelings in few weeks, maybe even months. If something is sad, then that's that. Nowadays, if we crush/fall in love, we constantly think about "will it last"? or "will he cheat?". That leads me to the Questions "Why?" and "What does it even matter?". Why do we even care? Is it the young age of Romeo&Juliet that leads us to the worry of age and lasting? What if Juliet had been twentyfive-- or-or, fourty four? Would everything be different? Should misleaded human beings accuse Shakespeare for all that crap?

But I really want to know, is why. Why does it even matter, if it does not last? Can't we enjoy the moment, live on the wave? Is it because of our weaknesses? Because we are scared of letting go?

-Ellen

She and He is a Them?

The school's starting in few days.. And my parents are off, as well as my friends are. So on one side, I have the whole house to myself, but then.. There's nothing I could do. Because, let's face it, it is somehow pathetic to sit alone in a house when no one is around, and trying to have fun. Drink? It seems to be called Alcoholic Problem nowadays to drink alone without a heartbreak or some friends around one. I don't really dare to go outside now, for there are those classmates of mine there (pathetic, I know.) and staying inside is just strange. So now I'm deciding what to do.. And I have no freaking idea. :D Just my luck, to have this opportunity and not use it.

I have been sitting on the balcony the whole day now.. Right after I bid my good- byes to my dearest parents. Taste the sarcastic flow, now will you? :) Oh just don't. It could possibly ruin your affections towards me. If there are even any.

Anyways, I thought that I might try to do some Ginger Ale now, since I have nothing to do (shush, everyone forgets about repeating last years stuff to this year of miserable school life, and no one has to remember any books which we were given to read during the summer..)

and have some time to use now. And then I had those few things to cook. For example, I found this pretty amazing salad, and a pie.. Oh, I just have to do it.. :D

This is just boring. And now it's raining outside.. :P Why am I even writing this? :)

Now, I know what to do- I will write here stuff out of my Black Book! Before you will laugh, I want to say this: This is pure insanity. What if someone will someday recognize me.. Let's say, it happens. I do then this: pack up my stuff, change my name and move to another side of the country. Easy.

1.8.2010

She and he is Them?

I spent the whole day with her. And guess what she's talking about? Him.

Now, let me explain. I care about her. Much. After all, we've been friends like forever- yeah, for me eleven years is forever. Now, after my long waiting, she's fallen in madly likeness. (I don't know what Love is, do I?) She madly likes him, spends nearly every second thinking about him, talking about him. I hope he won't do the Facebook Follower's Test. She would be completely ruined. Humiliated.

After all this long telling, can we (me and me from the future, btw hi!) assume that they are in a relationship?

Relationship? Yeah.

Romantic one? Kinda.

What the hack does that mean? Yep. No idea. Is a romantic relationship something where they snog&care? Because these do care. Not snog. As far as I know, if they would, she would come jumping out of joy to me. This mysterio is surely getting deeper. He calls her from 1000miles, she talks all night with him on phone. She wants to get some fresh air after school, he tramps with her all around the town and lake, catches cold (no shit, Sherlock. Freaking six hours outside without a jacket in cold!) in the middle of the big exams week. In school they don't identify each other. Strolling beside each other like anything would matter. And then cursing and blushing.

Someone tell me, is there a THEM?

Now. This is it. I made it. :)

-E.

P.s. yeap. Def Ginger Ale tomorrow.. :D

Summer

Ho. Now I really feel bad. Not about this blog, just what happened few days ago. But enough about it.

My Summer.. Has been really good. It's still not too hot, so my job at the flowermarket is still ok. Just that I never actually thought that roses were so damnly annoying. You know, carrying them all the freaking time around to find out to which of those idiots it was ordered is not funny. Just not at all. Yeah. My work buddies aren't that special. Just bunch of idiots. And me with those "champagne" roses fit in just too perfectly. The worst part? Watching how my classmates humble around and watch for the perfect flowers for their special one's. And I'm standing there next to my boss all smiley whiney because I have to, daaa, that's my job. Guess how many times a guy can change his mind in about half an hour? And how many kinds of flowers he wants to see just to say in the end- "The champagne roses will be fine to my hon". Welcome to my life.

I've been so fed up with outer world that I've gone shopping nearly every weekend. If we forget those necessary trips to grandma and grandpa, who think that I'm not doing anything important nowadays. As if I did anything important when I was twelve. What I've bought? Cd:s. Dresses. Shorts. Lots of shoes. Skirts. Amazing- now I have so many things to the whole next year that I won't be shopping anytime soon. At least not in a year.

I really think I will be waiting for the university time when I will be out of this place. More than ever.

Photos of Miself

Hi!

I know, I know. With adding these I am actually getting so bloggy it has no sence at all. But. Anyway, these are few photos I made with my old camera I told about. It's pretty huge, if I think about it. Just that if you would have seen how many photos were just crap. (no even crappy. Sad.)

The photo (up) was so easy to shoot.. Just not. The sun was just going down, remember, I shot these in april, and I was freezing. Plus, I was actually amazed: these places are not a common knowledge. Naah, everyone knows about these routes, but never uses them. So that thursday after everything crappy at school, I walked at the lake and met nearly half of the town. Scary.
The lake is amazing. Sometimes when new ones see it, they can't believe it is just a lake, nothing else. And it is beautiful!
These two (up ad down) are my favorites. The lightning (photo under) is maybe one of my best. And just the idea (Up, even though nearly everyone before me has done a photo like this) was brilliant. Just that it was a pure accident, the kid and his dad.
So.. Now I have shown my fab pictures. I*m tired. Heading towards the bed now, I guess..

-Ellen.

Note to myself

I was hanging out with my friends, and one of them actually asked me if I was a model. No, I mean.. I don't really know her so much. We met for the first time that day, really. But I was so pleased with what she said.. I started to think about it. What if I was really a model? Not like Kate Moss or something, but a model who gets paid what- just a little? But imagine what I could do with all that money! For example.. I could possibly buy a new camera, or new clothes!

Just that I could never ever tell any of my friends. Maybe one or two, but not a single more. They would laugh. And what would it even bring? Laughter from the whole school. (in our everyone knows everything. Like last week: one very sweet pair broke up, and in fifteen minutes one of my friends came laughing to class: Lisa and David broke up! Isn't that funny? I always knew Lisa was such a bitch!" And I sit on my chair like: poor them.) So in our school there is no privacy whatsoever. Aanyway. I guess there is no point at all. I'm not that pretty like a model should be, I guess. Oh, well. But the idea was pretty. Ha! I could imagine my parents watching some tv-show, and then someone calls them like: "What has your daughter been doing last times?" And they are:" Oh, we're so proud of her: she's got a boyfriend, at last!" And then that person who's calling says: "Oh that's what you think, really? Well, watch this website, she's a model now! How shameful!" And my dad would stand up and tell me everything he thinks about me humiliating them, and even mum would be ashamed. Oh, I'd be so happy. *dreamy*

But well. I searched for some modelling agencies, and the only ones we have here are.. Some random, nearly dead agency with three over fifty-years-old models. Female, of course. And as they say on their website: "No nude pictures for our girls!" Perfect. Okay, I'm on the same page with that no nude pics, but that they call themselves girls.. *horrified.*

Then there is a model agency where Sharon is. She's a very (oh, and remember: on this blog every single name is not real, I'm not that stupid to let anyone even guess my true identity..) popular girl in our region. Like .. with whom can I even compare her. Maybe with.. Anne Hathaway? A girl very pretty and oh so nice, her parents go to church every single sunday, pray so loud no one wants to know what they are not praying for.. okay, maybe I'm little overdoing it now. But she's just.. I don't know. Too perfect? And no, I'm not saying that Anne Hathaway would be so. But Sharon is. When she turns up at some boring school meeting our teachers sit more straight. Ha! I know who she might be alike. Know Footloose? The movie? Well, she could be that girl, the preachers daughter, dating a nice guy, but from the view of few single people, she's a moron. Sorry, Sharon. So.. Her modeling agency. It's big. It's famous. And it's owned by some of "Sharon's best friends families." As one of my friends says every time.

Maybe I should just forget about it.

Note to myself: never dream of something what you surely can't have. For example being a model.

I guess I don't have the guts to call or e-mail any agencies, because they might refuse me. And if not, they might want to take pictures. And then, on both sides, something would happen.

Shakespeare in Love

Hi!

Last thursday was one

of the weirdest thursdays in my life.

Accidently, I run into my friend

I long hadn't seen.

She lives in another town,

so it was a railwaysstation we met.

We sat there for hours.

On the bench spitten on

by every early teenage boy in town

we sat, and talked.

First it was about shopping,

the play in her school and then.

We came to the subject of Love.

I had always thought I knew a person well

if she or he was known to me

by the name, profession and the interests.

How one flirted, walked, talked

and behaved near the opposite sex.

But I knew nothing then.

She told me what she seeked,

in the area of Love,

and I told her mine.

There were thousands things

which neither of us knew ourself,

but by the moment we opened our mouths

the words, wishes, feelings and most secret dreams

were christal clear to both of us.

Quite possibly, I know,

I still don't know her as well as I do myself,

but in the end, who do we know as well?

In a mood of romance

I 'invested' in a lipstick called 'Blush in Romance'.

Kill me but I do not know by whom it was.

Just after that I went to a dvd-shop

(where they still sell vhs- how cute)

and still in the mood, bought the Shakespeare in Love.

Now I've watched it.

1998 it was made,

and a good movie indeed it is.

It is a movie of Shakespeares three weeks of love.

Three weeks of Love,

breathing at last,

after years of living dead.

He falls in Love, writes about it,

living in a dream which will soon end.

Yes, there is a trick-

no one will ever deny it now.

She's marrying a man of fortune,

not a poet with non-existing career.

And if we think about Shakespeare himself

what do we know about him?

Just what he wrote.

But even that will tell us enough.

He must have loved

or dreamed of love

for none of us humans can write anything

like he wrote

if not telling about himself

or a person he knew as well.

But maybe he was just never

in fortunes favours enough

to fall in love.

Oh dear. I feel like a parrot now. But since there are only few people who have written to me commenting anything I write here, it's okay. (I guess)

-Ellen

The Last Song

After seeing the movie 'the last song' I wanted to do somekind of a review on it. Then I thought about other films I have been watching lately. And decided to do a top three thingie.

Firstly, The Last Song.

The movie is about a broken family, and the main character is the teenage girl of this family. She's brilliant with piano, and her dad, who's living now on the beach, had always been teaching her. Now, the summer after high school, she's trapped in a small town with her little brother, no friends and dad she absolutely hates. But after something like a half an hour, she gets a milk shake thrown on her and a very cute guy saying sorry for like five minutes. What happens next is actually not something one would thing at the first or even the second minute of the movie. (and this is not a spoiler, so no hard feelings) I have to admit, I usually don't like Miley Cyrus' movies. Nearly always because they are just too.. American. I love how Miley is always happy and all smiley and even if she's failing something, something better happens in five minutes. Yeeah, that is possible by us, all non-Mileys, but c'mon, I wait at least a week before my luck changes. So.. in this movie it was nice and somehow calming to see her in a role where not everything is perfect, where she actually hates someone and doesn't smile all the time. Like a normal face in between. Sometimes.

I was watching this movie with my friend, whom I hadn't seen for a long time. (okay, not that long. Since christmas..?!) And, as you know, a girl always wants to look descent when meeting a guy after long time. It's like.. like meeting an old schoolfriend after five years of not seeing or hearing of her. Or.. if you see an ex-boyfriend. You seriously want to look perfect. So after spending hours and hours doing my hair and nails and make-up and choosing slightly sexy clothes. Just a little bit. (and now we all shall forget all the time I spent in the stores looking for some trendy, fitting things.. And anyways, I needed them.) We go into the town, he looking incredible, and then come the words which I didn't want to hear. "honey, let's go and watch the Last Song, I know you want to see it anyways, so why not with me?". What I wanted to scream in the middle of our little shopping street was: "Freaking NO! Why the hell would I want to watch a film where every single girl cries with you?" I actually think you know what I did- went and watched it. And so fucking what, if I cried in front of a guy I fancy. No. I don't fancy him. He's just a really hot guy. But back to the movie: in the middle of the film I understood my eyeliner was on my cheeks, as he brushed my cheek with his hand. :) wanna know how happy I was about that?

The second movie will be now so much spoken of, The Kick-Ass!

I watched it with a bunch of girls, we laughed so much the poor kiddo near me was scared the whole time..

The movie is about a guy who's all that nerdy, and comes to this idea: why doesn't anyone just be a superhero and try to change the world?

So he does it, buys a suit and with the perfect world of Youtube (wuhuu!) he does it: becomes famous, and finds his dreamgirl and so on and on and on. Funny, and smart. And it actually gives many things we should think about: we (not even we in the small city where everyone knows each other) don't help an other man whom we don't know. And we don't want even to see it. We turn around and walk another way. And why is that? Because we don't want to take the hate on ourselves?

-Ellen.

p.s. And yes, I know, I didn't take here he third movie. But it's late. And I'm exhausted. Sorry.

My Friend Elzi

I was shopping today. With a good friend of mine, actually. Or no. She's.. it's complicated. If I had to name one girl who was most alike as Becky from Shopaholic, it would be her. Let's name her.. Elizi. She's petite, would be tomboy if wasn't all that girly and into fashion. She's nice. Truly is. Like everyone is, not that horrific like many girls can be. Just that she uses more money than anyone else. I mean on trendy things. Which look mostly ok on her, not that special but still. And then, sometimes she has this horrific idea about looking unique..

Nah, anyways today we were with her in H&M and few other places. I swear, she tried nearly every single thing in there, and in the end called her mother to ask for money. I mean.. Okay, I could understand she pays everything on her own, but when she was disapproved by her mother (who was actually really stressy about Elizi being in stores at all) ofcourse she was not allowed to buy anything. Promise, this is not a lie: she began to cry. To freakin' CRY! I sat near her, in the middle of H&M and thought about every single second I had spend in changing rooms waiting for her, so she would cry refused in the middle of everything. She has her birthday in few weeks, and I won't probably see her until summer. I made her the present she wanted: I bought it for her. I know, shouldn't have done it. But c'mon, what was I supposed to do? Stand up and say: 'honey, sorry, I will just buy these things now, then I shall be off with you where ever you want to go'. No way.

I was also listening today to Kid British. I absolutely love their music! It has some twist in it, and every song is always like a new experience. What I like most about them, would probable be their funny song Elizabeth and how they change every time they make a new song.

Aand I bought some things, too. :) I probably will consider about putting some pictures of them here..

Maybe someday, for I am now not ready for that.

Ray Bradbery and Kurt Vonnegut

Hi again.

Today in school, we had a "Happy Day". Yes, we need in our school something like that. Anyway, I signed myself to some random things- playing with kids, some belly dance and other activities.

First, Playing with kids. They are really sweet, that's not the matter. Just that after three hours with small kids even a three years younger guy looks wonderful and sexy. No, really.

Imagine this: they guy is half of my heigh, has long, red hair (even longer than I have). Plus, he is the little brother of a guy who is just a year older than I am. And is dating a girl who's freaking four years younger than I am. So when my time was over, and I had to say bye-bye to them all, I nearly freaking kissed him. And no offence to everyone, I just don't think that would have been such a good idea.

Belly dance, not that great. You know those situations, when you actually get a clap from everyone else, like 'gosh, you should start to do this professionally, you're the best!' but the same time you know you look just ridicilous, and there's no thing more idiotic.

That was my 'Happy Day'.

after school, I read how Fahrenheit 451 came to public. Playboy. Freaking Playboy. I have been thought that Playboy is 'readable only if you're blind, no one will respect you if you will read it, blaahblaahblaah'. So take that. Not only Kurt Vonnegut has been featured in the magazine, but also Vladimir Nabokov, Doris Lessing and John Irving.

I asked a guy I know, what is actually in Playboy. He answered nearly like this: "well. Firstly there are these.. pictures. Then, when men are already done with them, they watch, what else is in there. And they suddently realize they have hang all the nails in all their life. No, honey, not that I would read.. or subscribe the magazine.. Oh honey, I love your shoes!"

I actually want to know what other men would answer me. My dad started to laugh. (he thought it was a joke) when he understood that I was serious, he said I was thinking nonsence and blaahblaahblaah.

And I think I would maybe want to see a Playboy magazine now. What do they have in there?!

-Ellen

Fashion Tips and Blogs

Sorry, Elle (the magazine)

because this will be now a short summary of those "50 Tips from the Stylish on how to Shop The Highstreet". (given between the Elle April Issue) It was all amazing, but (and there is always a But!) I didn't like every single of those tips. So here is my summary of the best ones. (with my own comments)

01. Write a wish list

"At the beginning of every season, write a hit list of pieces and choose a palette to work with." Moriamo Oshodi, head of womenswear buying, Asos.

Make it even more: choose those textures you are ready to work with. If silk isn't your thing, and now in fashion, give it a chance, and if it still feels wrong, drop the whole idea.

02. Join the Insiders

"Log on to prshots.com where you can find images of the high-street stores' present and forthcoming collections. That way, you can go to each store with an item in mind." Susie Lau, aka fashion blogger Susie Bubble.

Try it. And even if you don't like- you will be probably the only one of your friends who knows what high-street is coming up with next.

03. Identify your Style Icons

Remember: you don't have to wear whole Audrey Hepburn- wibe, you will just have some inspiration with movies/pictures.

04. Invest in Classics

"A pair of elegant court shoes should be a wardrobe staple. My favourites this season are our taupe suede pointed courts with contrasting black patent toes- timeless." Annick Gorman, creative director, LK Bennett.

Think about those things you use every season, no matter what is the trend. Possibly a black, ruffled top or plain white summer dress? Invest in them, and no matter what, you can always be more trendy with adding some jewels.

05. Stay Hands Free

"Never take a handbag on a high-street mission- you need both hands to shop. Just shove a small compact mirror (so you can see how you look from all angles) and your credit card in your hand pockets." Lulu Kennedy, director, Fashion East

Totally true. When shopping, it is impossible to have a heavy backpack/purse in your hands. It will take all your concentration.

06. Chronicle your Wardrobe

"Go through your clothes to make sure you have all the basic foundation pieces you'll need to built your new-season wardrobe. Try on your purchases with your existing wardrobe and if they don't go with anything you already got, be prepared to take things back." Elika Gibbs, founder of wardrobe service Practical Princess

Maybe one of the smartest advices. Your basic is always your closet at this moment, so if the thing just doesn't fit in, you have to take it back. And "the not coolness of taking things back" is not a issue for a smart girl!

07. Get to know each store's strenght

"Gap is brilliant for basic; Cos is a great place to buy a nice pair of city shorts. " Erin Mullaney, buying director, Browns.

As long as you don't dress from one store only, you will look great. Just imagine: a Lacoste t-shirt, shorts, headband and shoes. Can you get more clishe?

08. Customize

"I always like to customize my high-street purchases by raising hemlines, turning t-shirts into dresses .. that way I know that my clothes will always look unique." Ben Grimes, model and designer.

It's not that hard. All you need is inspiration. And Time.

09. Be Intrepid

"Shop outside your comfort zone- it helps you avoid buying the same thing. By trying things you didn't consider "your style", you'll discover something new and add another dimension to your look." Susie Wong, Bargainista Fashionista blogger

Just one tip: if you are from a small town with the norm of someway not expressing yourself through clothes, don't go extreme with the first time walking outside. (the rumors will kill your happiness at first anyway)

10. Mix and Match

"Always buy basics like cool tank tops and leggings from the high street. You can layer them under bodices and mix them up with designer and vintage pieces for a really individual look." Annette Felder, designer, Felder Felder

Also look for cheap jewels, and nice head bands.

11. Timing is Everything

"shop mid-morning on a Monday. It's the time when the shops tend to be restocking the floor, so you can usually find a much better selection of sizes."Margo Stilley, actress

Totally true- ever shopped in stores before noon? The assistants at shops much more friendly, and smiling. Go and try! Ps. if you should sit at that time in school/work/sth else, give yourself a well worked break at that time you want, and go shopping. Or skip few classes every now and then. No one can concentrate oneself on boring maths/work, if they are thinking about shopping.

12. Be Decisive

"As indulgent and consumerist as it sounds, never think twice about a high-street purchase if it fits like a dream and gets you excited. The fast stock turnover in shops means you won't find it again it you want." Carrie Gorman, acting web editor, ELLEUK.com

Just think about how many more great purchases would you have, if you hadn't thought that time about everything else, and not walked to the cashier. Depressed? Should be.

13. Accessorise

"Accessories are a good way to buy into the trends of the season, whatever your shape, lifestyle and budget. With more high-street retailers expanding their ranges, the choise is ever-incraising." Belle Robinson, co-owner of Jigsaw.

It is the cheapest and fastest way to look trendy at the time. (and you can always throw the shit in garbage after using just twice- it has by then payed off. No. Just kidding. Customizing accessories is great. I, for example, never throw mine away- they are great memos and add nice touch to my wall.

14. Stick to your budget

"To prevent yourself over-shopping, give yourself a budget, take out the exact cash and leave your credit card safely at home." Stacey Duguid, executive fashion editor, ELLE

Stacey knows what she's talking. Ever had nightmares at the last week of the month, just about your Visa overdue? Save yourself and be happy sleeping with not eating just soup the last weeks. DO as the tip says. And don't borrow money from your friends/family to do shopping, you will still have to give it back someday.

15. Don't be sexist

"Men's departments are a great place to have a rummage. H&M men's collections have some really cool pieces with great details. They're cut more narrowly than a lot of menswear, so they're easier to wear as unisex. H&M is a good place to start if you've never worn menswear before." Donna Wallace, accessories editor, ELLE

And save your boyfriends nerves- apparently they don't like if you dig like a goldhunter in their closets. Why so?

16. Staple it

"Five key staples that never go out of fashion are a really good soft jersey-cotton tee, a great pair of Converse, a classic black stiletto, a black cashmere V-neck and a white shirt, all of which you can find on the high-street at affordable prices." Bonnie Rakhit, market and merchandising editor, ELLE

Check if you have these.. And be sure they fit perfectly. My day saviour is usually jeans (perfect fit!), good and comfy pair of shoes (no matter if they are stilettos or converse) and the cashmere V-neck. Comfy, and some think boring. But a saviour of the day!

17. Pick your moment

"Never try shoes at the end of a long day on the high street because your feet will have swollen and you could end up buying the wrong size." Sarah Fox, press and marketing executive, Bertie and Pied a Terre

Why didn't they teach this in the first class?! I would have spared many nerves of myself and other people just knowing this all my life. And they say they teach vice things in school.

18. Final Thought..

"Don't ever shop in the high street when you're hungover, when there is full moon or when tyou have PMT. This will impair your judgement- guaranteed." Mademoiselle, columnist, ELLE

Lock yourself (or at least all your money resources and credit cards) at home when those three happen to be at the same time. Or actually, if you really want to go to therapy for the next 57 years, be my guest.

and one thing: even if you hate some fashion bloggers, check few blogs to know what people not in your town wear, Can be refreshing sometimes. If you want to go really outlandish-check "extreme lands" (by which I mean small, not well known lands. Supricing, they have many bloggers.)

-Ellen.

School life

This one will be just complaining about my life now.

School life sucks. It is not possible to understand how the teachers enjoy the feeling on our faces when we realize that all the tests are on the next few weeks. Oh dear. And I will have to write two tests on the same subject next two days. Like I didn't have any other life.

.. I guess the teachers are right. I don't- have any kind of life nowadays.

I found our old camera today. (as I was "learning for some tests.." you wish.) It is so old.. if I am exact, it should be 12,5 years old now. And for few years (or more, actually) no one has taken any photos with it. An old Canon. And so sweet! I am thinking about starting to use it and that I will put here my first picture.

.. Just that I can't tell my friends about anything, for they might come up this blog in some days- gosh I hate this.

-And now I should really not hang out here, only because I will fail anyways the test.

-Ellen.

Do teen blogwriters ("fashionistas") get too much money?

Hi!

I have thought a really long time about this thing now: what the fuck is going on with us? I mean the girls who have a blog, who post there what they want on one week and on the next they are going on like this: (this is an imaginal post of a girl, if someone has really written this, I am sorry for I didn't want to take away anything from your highness..)

"Today I saw something I would never imagined in my life. When I came in after my horseback-riding class at three past five, on my bed was a beautifully wrapped present with a card on it. Here, look at these photos, aren't they adorable? And now, please be patient (or NOT) Hahahaha.. I got the dress I wanted by plaahplaah! I mean, I never thought I would really get it, I just mentioned about it to everyone I know, including my parents and brother. Now, my boyfriend snapped these photos while I was waiting my parents to come home (so I could thank them and snap some money and then head off in the dress by plaahplaah to some cool clubs) I really think the pattern on this dress in nice. Oh, and it costs just about what you guys would earn in a million years."

There. And I could actually see her just laughing at all us, not so fortunate people for not having at the age of freaking fifteen (or even twenty something..) a dress by whoever knows which thing is the most wanted at that day. Well, even with my cousin by my side, I checked just tonight about seventeen blogs like that today. Then I felt miserable looking at my clothes (I had some dirty spots all over my t-shirt.. And it was cold, so I was anyway freezing.). For a moment I was thinking about changing the subject, then I thought I really have to tell this to someone. (and since my "Friends" think I am not interested what other people think about me I can't tell them about this anything.. Sounds complicated. And it is)

It is absolutely ridiculous how we, people under the age of college, spend our money. Even if we work, we don't understand the real value of money. For us, it is the tool which gives us power to buy clothes/make-up/books/music. The thing is, it shouldn't be so. it should be the the thing to thanks which we can actually buy food and LIVE! It is crazy, how much money we get from our parents even doing nothing. And the thing is, what will we do in future? Not everyone of us will be a CEO of a famous company or the editor of Vogue. We simply won't get "enough" money to live on the same level we had at the age of 13. Okay, I work. I get enough money in the month to live. But when I think about moving in my own apartment, I understand I don't simply have enough money for that. So how does it come that New York/London/Paris/other big cities are now full of nineteen/twenty years old people who actually have their own apartment (and that would be a big one) and do not work at all? They live on their own, get the money from somewhere and that's it. Maybe write for a half year a blog about them setting up in the City. Then.. they somehow vanish. From everywhere.

In the country where I live (I'm not sure I have ever mentioned which country it exactly is) we have for some random reason a tradition, never or very rarely to give money to charity. I don't believe there is a specific reason. It is just so. Anyhow, if I understand right, in USA it is in common to give money to charity (like Unicef or something). I must say I think that's adorable, but by us.. I believe in helping people beyond me. Not for hearing thank you. Those people whom I would most likely help now would discover a package on their door steps on one morning. Most likely they would never get it, who gave them money.

This time my "charity object" is one of my really near friends. (yeah, one of them who do not know I lie and so on) She's a pretty, most nice and honest people I have ever met. But the fortune has never liked her: her parents divorced, she's living with her poor mother, and most likely will now end up in having a free education in our country. And she could do so much better..

I have thought about giving money to Unicef of something like that.. But I have still much more thinking to do.

Ellen.

Holiday's fashion

Hi..

Today is so miserable day, just because it's the holiday's, I am feeling dizzy and sick, and outside there's snow and cold.

I must confess something. I hate Valentine's day. This year specially. Because of many things: Firstly, I have in my "groupie", are eight people. From those eight girls, three truly hate me. Or no, I don't believe that. We have just some different points of life. And both sides always understand that. Which is in the end pretty sad. We don't have anything else in common, just school and same group. After the school, I don't believe I will ever hear anything from them. Maybe just to their wedding, I guess. Anyway, I gave all the others really great presents but two of them didn't get anything. What I am afraid, they will someday find out. Not that they would hear about the presents from someone. But I think, this is something I would rather drag to the grave.

Valentine's day should be a happy day. Still, for me, it is one of the most challenging days in the whole year. Maybe you have seen already the film, "Valentine's Day". And there is the party, where they say: I hate Valentine's day. Or something like that.

If someone will be ever reading this, who actually knows whom I am talking about, this might be important to know. He went there. He freakin' went to the dance. Just because I'm stuck in some different country and we are fighting, doesn't mean we broke up. Or does it? I am confused. I must understand, he doesn't respect me enough to skip a night of Valentine's day dance. Or he is really in love with that other girls. Because if that wasn't so, he hadn't ever come in there. But he did.

Oh, forget that horrific day, Ellen. It is long gone.

I must say, I have this weird season going on. I feel sad all the time, I don't have any creativity left.

Fashion.. Something that should help me. I cut always from random magazines articles. This is one of them, which I thought was pretty cool.

Few rules of Fashionista:

1. believe in yourself. Even if others say the combination looks awful, wear it. You might hate yourself for that later but on that moment it's like freedom to you.

2. Forget every rule and do whatever you want with your clothes. If you consider burning them, please don't- there are many poor people who would actually need those clothes.

3. There is not a single man in this world who would actually care what you are wearing- not if he is not in the boyfriend/one night stand and then lover- area.

I guess this is it..

Ellen

Chaika

I was once asked, which main character I would be. From any book of film. At that time, I couldn't say. I mean, I could have answered Julia from Rome&Julia or Bella from Twilight. Just because that's what most girls want, isn't it? True love, and that he would die for you. Still, is that what we really want? To love passional for a moment and then die? I guess so. Or is that only the ideal way for thing to go? Julia was thirteen years old when she met Romeo. Bella- seventeen. Romeo died with Juliet. So I believe I'm running out of time.

Shaekspare must have argued a lot. I wonder if he had found his Julia. Really, I would guess no. Because if I'm right, only a brokenhearted man (or the one who never loved) would have been capable to write something like that- and we, all other people, decided to see the romance in it. Or was he happy?

Anyways, I understood yesturday, which character I am. You probably know Tsehov. He wrote many great plays, and one of them would be "Chaika", which means on English somekind of bird.

Anna is Jasper?

One of the things I hate is.. when I feel myself stupid. And what I'm talking about is feeling stupid in things like.. well, like the situation I will describe next:

It happened on wednesday evening. I had my after class "school" where I basically had to do some exams and things like that. Not that fun, actually. Anna, a girl I know, came there too, and sat next to me. I should probably mention something about her. She's really pretty, and still never was a moron. Just slightly annoying sometimes. That kind of girl you would actually want to know. Like when she sits near you, you are just so freakin' happy about it. Even if she doesn't say you anything. You could understand her "skills" or "talent" only if you compare her with Jasper from Twilight. So I was really high when we talked the whole hour about some random girlish things. After the class, when we stood there just talking randomly, when he, the cleverest and maybe even nerdiest boy came over, and she leaned over to kiss him. I guess, you would say I was just going mental crazy. You're probably right. But the Jasper thing was going over and over. It was so freaky, I watched them kiss and go away, and I didn't even feel anyhow jealous. I was extremely happy for them. Even if she's not in love with him. And maybe he's not her. Still, the feeling of mine was only miserably happy. I hadn't felt so happy in maybe two weeks. Sadly, this is not even a joke.

xoxo, Ellen

Rules: Section Love and Heartbreak, Nr1

So, today is.. sunday morning! Wonderful!

Ehm.. that was something called sarcastic comment. Anyway, I haven't done any homework nor anything clever on my weekend now. Watched The Hills.. :P They are great! I mean, for us people, who don't have any life and actually know it.

Oh, and here I actually come to the point, why I am sitting on sunday morning writing anything in True Lying Pigeon. Hey, I could call this always TLP! :D Oh dear. What a happy morning. So not.

There are some moral norms, and if one thinks a little bit more about the theme, one can actually see that every person in this world has those moral norms differently as all the others. As I thought about it, I decided to do my own roles/moral norms list.. Where I could actually add something every now and then, so that I could understand myself, why am I thinking so or that way.

Rules A-Z

Section Love and Heartbreak,

Nr1: Don't read Twilight or any other romantic book/watch any romantic film/whatsoever, if you have a potential break up-situation/ the possible Love of your Life is actually saying he's dating another girl.

How I came to this rule:

Now, this is terrifying. I mean, I haven't actually told anyone about this. I guess he was in my section Hide and Love. Okay, he isn't.. wasn't.. bad looking, I would have said he's quite handsome on some level. His brown eyes.. Oh dear. I just can't say no to anyone who has brown eyes and those black glasses on him.. What I AM TALKING ABOUT? Okay, he had brown eyes, handsome, sometimes annoying, didn't care about anything but himself and his clothes.. (If I hadn't known him better, I would have said he was gay.. but he wasn't. :/) So, we knew each other for nearly six years. Had one terrible date. Maybe I am just jealous because all the other girls were really dating him, I had only one.. And it was also terrible. Anyways, I am jealous person. And he was kind of bad boy, in that James Bond style. Just that this guy had much less style. On his phone, I believe, were only the numbers of girls.. He had always the newest technics and when some band was becoming popular he had just chilled with them somewhere. Or was there when they recorded their album. Just that I didn't ever think he had really met them. But.. what can I say? Having this blog here.. I can't say he was lying.

Now, yesterday.. (it was saturday) I read the whole day (sometimes watching The Hills) Twilight by Stephanie Mayer. So no hard feelings if I say: yeah, Edward is maybe a hot vampire, but the whole thing is about his relationship to Bella, so he's not coming to date anyone of the fans.. When reading Twilight, one would have been lying if one said one wasn't dreaming about a relationship like that. And I won't lie now here: I sat maybe an hour, dreaming what would happen if I moved to some little place and found a handsome guy who would truly love me. As always. thanks to Facebook, I was ready to look at his pictures (naah, I knew he wasn't my Prince Charming nor my Edward but still.. He was a good start, wasn't he?) So I sat on my table (every now and then..) and almost fell down as I saw his update: In relationship with V. H. Well.. Sorry now, but I almost laughed. Then I understood, he had all those girls around him, so he wouldn't write something just as a bad joke. So, my dream about him being my Edward/Prince Charming just fell down. From high to hell.

and then I wanted to make a video "Bubbles" and I found my camera was broken. :/

Ellen

P.S. I think this Ellen name is so cool! i mean really, come on.. There are millions of Ellen's in this world, so no one should actually understand who I am.. :P Even if one finds this blog.. Or is this all then just another lie?

HItting knees and make-up artists

I had a complicated day today. First of all, I lied to my friends few times. The biggest lie was about my morning: as the school began at ten, and I have to drive with the bus for nearly fifteen minutes. So I woke up at eight, made a great a great English breakfast (baked beans, toast, no sausage, hot chocolate, bacon, and on and on..) and read the paper. Still, I came five minutes too late to the class. (caused by the bus, btw) Anyway, what I told my friends was: I woke up at six am and made a great make-up and started to do a video. WTF?! Firstly: I can't even do the eyeliner properly, so what the hack did I say that for? Now they are convinsed, I am a perfect make-up artist. Second thing is that with my parents sleeping at that time, there wouldn't be any point of waking them up. And then, why would I even have been doing a video?

Today I was also hit by a woman who was opening a metallic door. It hit my knee so hard I even folded.

I guess the nicest thing I did today.. was probably when I started to plan the Valentines day gifts. We were in a store, where she saw the perfect jeans for her. But since her parents are now a little bit tight about her spending her own money (she bought a little bit too much last time.. happens to all of us) And unlikely of me, she doesn't lie to anyone, even if her life would depend on it. I really must admit, I respect her. So what I figured now out: we would give her a gift card to that store.. Maybe mean to her parents, but those are the perfect jeans, what can you do?

It actually turns out, it is possible to get caught on the lies. It's pretty easy..

Ellen.

Sad song

It took me maybe five minutes to start the blog. But it took all my lifetime to understand that what I am doing isn't right.

Today was a nice day. I had to wake up early, instead I woke up an hour too late. Which made me skip the breakfast and run as a crazy to the bus. I was sitting on my regular place, as the driver started to sing a song I had somewhere heard. Maybe you know, one of those songs which make your heart tear at that moment, but few moments later you just forget the song, and all the work and feelings the singer and writer (and all the other people) had made. And that's what I think is the most sad thing in the story. I couldn't say what the name of it was, or why he actually sang it, but the thing I understood, I could remember the situation: the driver had an bright smile, he had an chocolate dark skin and his voice was low, something near Jack Johnson. He smiled to everyone, and between the stops he sang. I must sound stupid, but since this is where I will write the things really happen. Because as I have noticed, I am actually capable to lie. A lot. To everyone. So, even if I lie here, it will be only away from me.

I will be actually doing a video next friday. True. Totally.

Ellen.